No matter how I slice it, I only have twenty-four hours in my day.
As I’ve learned, focusing entirely on efficiency and trying to do everything is the wrong approach.
When i started working, my son was 5.5 years old. I thought he is more independent that any other child i have seen before. But, everytime he falls sick, Everytime he expects me to finish his homeworks I understood I was wrong with my belief., Afterall, i know "Mother" is not an easy job either.
In reality, I understood people who have figured out how to integrate their family and professional success have done one thing very well: letting go.
For all those struggling moms,
Let me describe 2 important laws that is helping me recently.
1. Law of Diminishing Returns.
When I reach a point where the benefit gained is less than the amount of energy invested, it means I’m doing too much.
Sometimes the optimal level of effort is when we’ve achieved “good enough” on a project at work, which allows us to focus our energy on family. Or, other times, it’s achieving “good enough” with family so we can focus more energy on a massive project we’re excited about at work.
And once you know what your “good enough” is, you have the ability to ask others to support you so you can free up time and energy for more important things. Whether it’s hiring someone to help you grow a business, having your laundry done for you, or even if getting your husband's help in doing very silly home needs for you. Everything will make your time more focused on the quality of work that you actually have to do.
2.The Power of Deadlines
In college, when I had professors set a project deadline, I knew it had to get done. I could cram all I wanted the night before, but no matter what it needed to be finished on the due date. On the other hand, when I have something I need to do “eventually” it gets pushed off…again…and again…and again.
When we make use of this law, (or ask for help, or say “no”) we’re making sure to spend our energy and time in the places that matter the most to us.
The reality of today is that the working mothers is expected to live up to both these role models – That of a “Full Time Mother” and a “Full Time Working Professional” and is compared judged and rated with both these “role models”. The truth is that she will almost always fall short. And that only adds to her stress levels, guilt, expectations of herself – all of which does impact her professional growth and output, not to mention personal well-being.
I have seen too many ambitious and successful working mothers who’ve had challenges in managing their professional and personal life because of health related issues / lifestyle disorders in the family (husband / children / their own). These range from obesity, to allergies (like Asthma), to depression and psychological issues. For e.g.: An acquaintance who is a Bollywood script-writer took a 2 year break because her son went into severe depression. I heard of another IT professional whose 4 year old son simply stopped talking one fine day. Medically, everything was normal. So the mother took a 6 month break from work to just be there for him. I know of several working mothers who have been diagnosed with anxiety related disorders, and again had to take a career break.
Life is a big puzzle. Only when all the pieces are in its place, we shall win. Work and Family takes equal share. We gotta let things go.. and rock!
As I’ve learned, focusing entirely on efficiency and trying to do everything is the wrong approach.
When i started working, my son was 5.5 years old. I thought he is more independent that any other child i have seen before. But, everytime he falls sick, Everytime he expects me to finish his homeworks I understood I was wrong with my belief., Afterall, i know "Mother" is not an easy job either.
In reality, I understood people who have figured out how to integrate their family and professional success have done one thing very well: letting go.
For all those struggling moms,
Let me describe 2 important laws that is helping me recently.
1. Law of Diminishing Returns.
When I reach a point where the benefit gained is less than the amount of energy invested, it means I’m doing too much.
Sometimes the optimal level of effort is when we’ve achieved “good enough” on a project at work, which allows us to focus our energy on family. Or, other times, it’s achieving “good enough” with family so we can focus more energy on a massive project we’re excited about at work.
And once you know what your “good enough” is, you have the ability to ask others to support you so you can free up time and energy for more important things. Whether it’s hiring someone to help you grow a business, having your laundry done for you, or even if getting your husband's help in doing very silly home needs for you. Everything will make your time more focused on the quality of work that you actually have to do.
2.The Power of Deadlines
In college, when I had professors set a project deadline, I knew it had to get done. I could cram all I wanted the night before, but no matter what it needed to be finished on the due date. On the other hand, when I have something I need to do “eventually” it gets pushed off…again…and again…and again.
When we make use of this law, (or ask for help, or say “no”) we’re making sure to spend our energy and time in the places that matter the most to us.
The reality of today is that the working mothers is expected to live up to both these role models – That of a “Full Time Mother” and a “Full Time Working Professional” and is compared judged and rated with both these “role models”. The truth is that she will almost always fall short. And that only adds to her stress levels, guilt, expectations of herself – all of which does impact her professional growth and output, not to mention personal well-being.
I have seen too many ambitious and successful working mothers who’ve had challenges in managing their professional and personal life because of health related issues / lifestyle disorders in the family (husband / children / their own). These range from obesity, to allergies (like Asthma), to depression and psychological issues. For e.g.: An acquaintance who is a Bollywood script-writer took a 2 year break because her son went into severe depression. I heard of another IT professional whose 4 year old son simply stopped talking one fine day. Medically, everything was normal. So the mother took a 6 month break from work to just be there for him. I know of several working mothers who have been diagnosed with anxiety related disorders, and again had to take a career break.
Life is a big puzzle. Only when all the pieces are in its place, we shall win. Work and Family takes equal share. We gotta let things go.. and rock!
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